When My Life is Over, Use these Songs to Remember

If there were two things I ever learned how to do in my life, they were to laugh and to cry. It wasn’t even something I really had to learn; I just found myself doing both all the time and sometimes even doing both at once. No matter how upset I felt, if someone said or did something I thought was funny, I couldn’t help but laugh. I used to get mad at my dad for this, because he would make me laugh when I really wanted to communicate the seriousness behind my tears; but I was never able to resist laughter no matter how angry or upset I had been. It had been such a gift to always be able to laugh, because it helped me to step outside of myself in a way. The song “Laugh So You Don’t Cry” by Andy Davis was a song about trying to cheer somebody up. This song usually helped me when I was feeling down to remember that people cared about me, so I chose this song for my funeral as a way of reminding people that I cared about them and would want them to smile and laugh long after I died. I wanted to encourage people to keep joy in their hearts even when their hearts feel heavy.

I always loved music most for its ability to communicate something I had felt. When I couldn’t find a song to express something, I tried writing my own songs. Anything to communicate some of what went on in my heart, and a lot went on there. I have always been extremely sensitive and extremely aware of my feelings and the feelings of those I love. This was part of why I always cried so much. This sensitivity probably could have driven me crazy; but instead, it led me to spend some time with my honest feelings and express them in poetry and song lyrics. I’m thankful for artists like Ani DiFranco who acknowledge that space where so much art happens. The song “Shroud” was my artist’s anthem. It was about leaving “the house of conformity in order to make art,” and ended with the line “who ever said that life is suffering, must have had their finger on the pulse of joy, ain’t the power of transcendence the greatest one we can employ.” She understood that there were things we had to give up in order to be ourselves, and that suffering and joy depended upon one another. I wanted to remind people at my funeral that there is joy to be found in their suffering.

“Everything’s Not Lost” by Coldplay was one of those songs that never failed to give me hope. I sang this song so loud, and hoped its message into existence. It was written in the moment of feeling like “all is lost,” and ends “hoping everything’s not lost.” This song could speak to my loved ones for me, reminding them not to give up hope when they ever feel discouraged. Just because I would be dead at my funeral doesn’t mean any one else should stop living and stop dreaming. I chose these three songs as the music at my funeral to reflect the joyful, creative, hopeful life I lived, and inspire others to carry those parts of me with them in their lives.